Age gap: a positive experience

We met at work. After work we went on lots of walks, but I never even imagined there could be anything romantic between us. I was just over 20, he was over 30 — what kind of relationship could that be?

In general, age difference used to matter a lot to me in how I related to people. Relationships where one partner was older seemed fake to me. But all of that turned out to be a stereotype.

We had a wonderful relationship in which we barely noticed the age gap, supported each other, had fun and travelled. We were together for several years and broke up quite recently, and age was not the reason.

For a long time I couldn't bring myself to commit to this relationship because of various beliefs I held. I worried that everyone around me would think I was with him for the money. But it turned out the people around me didn't think that. And I also stopped caring what anyone thinks.

At some point I stopped noticing our age difference and was simply with the person I loved.

We didn't put off meeting my parents, because I didn't want to hide my relationship from them. It was especially hard for my dad when he found out my partner's age. But he calmed down after meeting him in person.

At first my friends didn't believe me, then they joked a lot about me being "into grandpas". I joked along with them, since we also teased each other about it within the relationship. At some point it did start to get to me, and I asked my friends to stop those jokes. They took it well.

He earned several times more than me. At the start he had the idea that he would pay for everything himself, and he wouldn't let me spend money. I was uncomfortable with that, and in the end we started splitting expenses roughly in proportion to our salaries. For example, he paid for cafes and restaurants, and I left the tip.

I'd guess that in sex the age difference doesn't matter that much. What matters is trusting each other and feeling that you can discuss anything you want.

Because of our ages and personal qualities, we were interested in different things, and we shared them with each other. He told me about investing, I showed him memes. We were both happy. I picked up his habits and could apply his experience to my own life already back then.

We never had a single blow-up; everything was always discussed and resolved calmly. Maybe that's not about age, but simply about us.

He lived on his own and could do everything himself — in particular, he cooked really well (more often than I did).

We valued each other, and neither of us had any aim or wish to reshape the other to suit ourselves. I really loved that about us.

He got me into skincare and taught me to use skincare products regularly.

In almost everything he had 11 more years of experience. And we sometimes had different views on situations and on how to handle them. I didn't always understand him. But after going through similar experiences myself, I came to understand, with time, what he had been telling me back then.

All his friends already have families and kids, and I rarely saw them. My friends weren't of much interest to him either. So we often went to meet friends separately, which wasn't always comfortable for me.

It was a wonderful experience of a grown-up relationship without a lot of hard knocks.

We didn't dissolve into each other; we could spend time both together and apart. A sense of self-sufficiency and the ability to be on my own. I became really interesting to myself during that time.

I stopped focusing on the age of the person I'm talking to. Now, when I talk with all kinds of people, I think about how much we enjoy each other's company, and I don't get hung up on whether they find someone younger interesting.

I'm very grateful for this experience.