Ethical flirting

is a context that lets us feel out the limits and the ways things might unfold.

It's the stage where we decide whether we want anything more with this person or not.

You're getting to know each other, you're having a conversation, maybe with a sexual undertone, but at the same time you feel that your boundaries aren't being crossed and that the other person isn't objectifying you in a way you wouldn't want.

People who flirt ethically understand "no", hear each other's boundaries and respect them.

Crossing boundaries. Toxic jokes.

For example, someone makes fun of you, you get hurt, it feels unpleasant, and the person says: "You just don't have a sense of humour."

When I see on Tinder (or any dating app) that someone demands a sense of humour as a must for getting to know them, I immediately understand that nothing interesting is going to happen between us.

That kind of request comes from people whose jokes don't land. And their jokes don't land because they're toxic.

When you're texting, it's much easier to tell whether this person is right for you or not.

When we meet in person, it's harder for us to set our boundaries and say "no". We tend to somehow make excuses for the other person.

When you're texting, it's much easier to say: "That's kind of tedious, I don't like it, that kind of comment doesn't work for me. That's it, bye."

Sometimes things I consider completely unacceptable seem normal and reasonable to some of my followers.

track down people outside Tinder whom you saw on Tinder.

Most often it's people from Pure who do this, very rarely people from Tinder.

They show up and start saying: "You probably didn't see me on Pure." Dude, no! If I didn't see you, it means I didn't want to see you. That's it. Don't go looking for me anywhere.

That's how I put across the values that matter to me.

Yes, we live in an oversaturated information space. I understand why people ghost, especially at the texting stage on Tinder, but on my side I try to keep that to a minimum.