Why we fight on vacation and how to find your own compromise combo
Everyone pictures a holiday differently, and that's okay. Checking your expectations and accepting your differences before you go is the key to a great trip together.
Why we fight on vacation and how to find your own compromise combo
Everyone has a different idea of what a holiday should be, and that's okay. Checking your expectations and accepting your differences before you set off is the key to a trip together going brilliantly.
Together with a psychologist and sex therapist, we look at how not to break up before your vacation together has even started.
Interestingly, the most eagerly awaited events in a couple's life often turn out to be the most stressful ones too.
What happens on vacation? A change of your usual place and way of life, connecting with new people, planning the journey and what to do. All of this calls for flexibility and well-honed communication skills.
Expectations and reality (most likely) won't match. Help each other enjoy what you've got.
Holidays together are romanticised and surrounded by perfect fantasies, but in reality something often doesn't go to plan. The hotel looks worse than in the photos, the weather lets you down, or something unforeseen happens.
Feeling negative emotions in situations like these is completely normal. But it's also important to look for extra reasons for joy and pleasure, to live through the feelings and to switch gears if you can.
Talk to each other
And not only on vacation. If it drives you mad that your partner spends the whole evening on their phone, say so. But try shifting your focus from your emotions to what exactly you want to get across to the other person, and how.
"I dreamed of coming to this place and sharing the experience with you."
"It's important for me to get some rest after a packed day. Right now I just want to be quiet and zone out on my phone."
You're different: accept it, forgive it and build your own combo out of it
Your ideas of a good holiday may not match. One of you dreams of spending every minute of the vacation actively together, while the other just wants to catch up on sleep. One person needs to pack their suitcase a week ahead, bring things in case of the end of the world and get to the airport a day early. Another will throw a passport and a bottle of water into a backpack an hour before the flight and be ready for adventure.
Don't try to change each other, but do talk through your past experiences. What are you ready to accept, and what will become a compromise where you try doing things differently?
We may fail to agree on something big or on some little things.
But the desire to hear each other, to empathise, to look for compromises and to meet each of your needs equally will help both at home and in the middle of a desert.
