Management techniques that come in handy in healthy relationships (part 2)

SMART goals

A goal-setting method that helps make goals specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound.

S: Specific

M: Measurable

A: Achievable

R: Relevant

T: Time-bound

Benefits of the method

Both partners clearly understand the goals and know the specific steps to reach them, and the time limit lets you track progress and adjust your actions when needed.

S: We will spend time together visiting new places.

M: Visit one new place in the city every week.

A: We can set aside Saturday evenings for this.

R: This will help us get to know each other better and create shared memories.

T: We'll start this week and keep going for the next three months.

Conflict mapping

A conflict analysis method that helps you visualize the problem, better understand the interests and needs of both sides, and find ways to resolve it constructively.

An example of conflict mapping: Anna and Alex argue over how the household chores are divided.

1. Identifying positions:

Anna's position: Alex should be more involved in the housework.

Alex's position: I already work a lot, I have no energy left for housework.

Conflict mapping: steps 2–4

2. Identifying interests and needs:

Anna's interests: a sense of fairness, a lighter load, more free time.

Alex's interests: rest after work, recognition of his contribution to the family, a balance between work and home.

3. Analyzing connections and dynamics:

Anna feels that she does most of the housework, which leaves her tired and irritated.

Alex feels that his contribution to supporting the family financially is undervalued, which gives him a sense of unfairness and tension.

4. Creating the conflict map:

Draw a map marking Anna and Alex, their positions and interests. Use arrows and lines to show the connections and tension between them.

Resolving the conflict with the map

Using the conflict map, you can suggest the following steps to resolve the conflict:

Talking it through together: Anna and Alex can discuss their feelings and points of view, using the conflict map to structure the conversation.

Dividing responsibilities: find a compromise. For example, divide the household chores so that the load is more even and both partners' abilities and schedules are taken into account.

Recognizing contributions: Anna can express appreciation for Alex's financial contribution, and Alex can acknowledge Anna's efforts in running the household.

Planning rest: work out a plan together that includes time for rest and relaxation for both partners.

The 5 whys

A technique used to find the root cause of a problem by asking "why?" over and over, five times or until the underlying cause is found.

This method works both in business and in personal relationships, for solving problems and keeping them from happening again.

Steps:

1. Define the problem.

2. Ask: why did this problem come up?

3. Based on the answer to the first question, ask the next "why?". Keep asking until you get to the root cause.

4. Analyze and take action.

An example of the "5 whys" technique

Problem: a couple often argues in the evenings.

1. Why do we often argue in the evenings?

Because we both feel tired and irritated after work.

2. Why do we feel tired and irritated after work?

Because our workdays are packed and we come home exhausted.

3. Why are our workdays so packed?

Because we take on too many tasks and don't have time to rest.

The "5 whys": root cause and tips

4. Why do we take on too many tasks?

Because we don't know how to divide work responsibilities effectively and we don't set priorities.

5. Why don't we know how to divide work responsibilities effectively or set priorities?

Because we don't have a clear plan for the day and we don't discuss our tasks in advance.

Root cause:

The lack of clear planning and division of responsibilities leads to tiredness and irritation, which cause arguments.

Tips for using it:

Be honest and open when answering the questions.

Avoid blame and focus on finding the causes.

Use the technique as a chance to improve, not to criticize.