What if my friends see my Tinder profile?
Why being seen on a dating app can feel embarrassing, and three beliefs that might be behind the worry.
What if my friends see my Tinder profile?
What if my friends see my Tinder profile?
We get the feeling this question wants an "asking for a friend" tacked on. Together with a partner project, we're unpacking "embarrassing" questions.
A couple of notes:
"First, about the great and terrible Tinder. Just in case (for anyone who's been living under a rock): Tinder is a place where people look for love, sex, friendship, or just come to look around. Basically, it's like a library, only on the internet.
Second, below we'll look at a situation where there's Tinder and Lucy, who doesn't have a partner."
"I'm worried"
is a broad term that can hide all sorts of feelings, but let's say Lucy is afraid her friends will see her on Tinder.
The question is: what exactly is she afraid of? What will happen if they see her profile?
Does she feel they'll think badly of her, or start teasing and shaming her? But then Lucy is filling in the blanks for her friends, because she can't know how they'll react. And still, why does she assume they'll think badly of her, rather than set off fireworks to celebrate her signing up?
Maybe Lucy herself isn't sure it's a great idea, and so she projects that thought onto other people. And why does she feel the idea isn't great?
Possible reasons:
(Why "Lucy" is actually worried her friends will see her Tinder profile)
1.
Maybe Lucy has an image of herself as self-sufficient, someone who doesn't need anyone. And being on Tinder is an admission that she does need someone after all.
The question is: where did Lucy get the idea that she has to be like that? Wanting to meet people and to find physical and emotional intimacy is normal. And total self-sufficiency is a myth.
2.
There's also a stereotype that a woman may, of course, want to meet people, but she shouldn't show it.
She's a princess, after all! She's supposed to sit quietly in her castle and wait for a prince who will figure out on his own that he should make a move. We wrote about this stereotype in our post on assertiveness and concluded that if you don't want to sit in the castle and wait, take action yourself.
3.
Or there may be a belief that looking for someone online is lame, that Tinder is for losers. And that if you're on it, you can't meet anyone in real life.
The question is: where did Lucy get this idea? Hey, everything is online now. Tinder is a normal part of life. And if her friends see her there, that means they're on it too. So what's the problem?
Thanks to our partner project for this material.
