Is that a red flag?
Is a red flag a final verdict or a warning sign? We break it down together with a psychologist-psychoanalyst.
Is that a red flag?
Is a red flag a final verdict or a warning sign?
We break it down together with a psychologist-psychoanalyst.
And in the next episode, we'll talk about abuse.
#thisisaredflag
Our whole life is like one long compatibility test. Different circumstances keep giving us material to compare each other's values.
Differences in interests and habits can be overcome if both partners are willing to work on the relationship. But it's important to keep track of a subjective feeling of discomfort, because "everyone does it and it's normal" doesn't work here.
For example, for a couple of anxious people it may be not only normal but even important to text each other "where are you?" and "how long until you're here?" often. But if one partner bombards the other with messages like these and there's a feeling of control and surveillance, that may be a real red flag.
A red flag warns you about a problem, and it's important not to ignore it
This is the first stage, after which you need to assess:
🚩 how compatible this problem is with your relationship
🚩 whether you have the resources, support and safety to work on the problem
Red flags can be different. Some require ending the relationship immediately for your own safety and well-being, while others can be worked through, for example, with the help of a family therapist.
What kinds of red flags are there?
🚩 Problematic communication
Things don't get easier after conflicts, important issues aren't discussed, an open and honest conversation is impossible, and you feel you aren't being heard.
🚩 Jealousy and control
That feel unfounded and excessive.
🚩 No trust, or trust has been broken
Lying, cheating, hiding things, systematically holding things back.
🚩 Lack of support
In difficult moments, you feel that your partner isn't emotionally engaged enough.
🚩 Different values
There are serious disagreements in your plans for the future that could lead to conflicts. For example, different attitudes toward marriage, living together, children and other aspects of your future life.
🚩 Emotional and physical violence
The most powerful red flag in the "Unforgivable Curses" category, right alongside Avada Kedavra.
We'll tell you what to do if there's violence in your relationship in our next piece about red flags.
