Is it okay to get this mad at your partner?

Is it normal to have these feelings?

"She drives me mad!" "He gets on my nerves so much!" If thoughts like these have crossed your mind about your partner, you were angry with them. Is it normal to feel this way about someone you love? Yes! Being angry is normal in general. It is our psyche's defensive reaction to some kind of trigger: a situation or another person's behaviour that, for example, violates our boundaries.

Being angry at your partner is okay too

What's more, if you are able to talk about your feelings, including the difficult ones, honestly and without blame, it shows that you feel comfortable and safe with each other and that your relationship is healthy.

Anger can push partners apart or bring them closer

To make the second scenario happen, you need to take three simple steps.

1. Understand what you are angry about.

2. Understand what need lies behind your anger: a need for attention, for recognition, for safety?

3. Share your feelings with your partner calmly and confidently, without blame and without insults.

Step 3 is the hardest

Sometimes you can't work out what need is hiding behind your anger, or conversations with your partner don't bring the result you want. Then the way forward is family or couples therapy. Its main task is precisely to raise the relationship to a level where partners can talk without blame, even about the most difficult feelings.