How to start exploring your fantasies?
Why it is worth getting to know your sexual fantasies, five tools for exploring them, and how to tell your partner about them.
How to start exploring your fantasies?
Okay, so how do you start exploring your kinks?
Purpur asked its kinky friends from a kink community and the community's co-founder. Read the experts' detailed answer on getting to know sexy practices.
Why explore your fantasies?
By exploring our sexuality and fantasies, we get to know ourselves better.
It's a chance to develop sexual awareness by adding new "ingredients" to your intimate life.
By trying something new, you can figure out what brings you pleasure in sex, and what causes discomfort or doesn't stir any emotions at all.
Are all fantasies "normal"?
Sometimes exploring your fantasies can be scary, because some of them seem strange.
There are no right or wrong fantasies. Absolutely anything that is safe for you and your partner is normal. But that doesn't mean every idea is worth bringing to life.
Sometimes the thought of something can be more arousing than the act itself. And that's okay too.
5 tools for exploring fantasies
1. Sexual fantasy libraries
Get inspired by fantasies in special apps that collect cards with ideas and instructions — for example, XConfections. These services can help you discover previously unknown sides of your desires. Or gently remind you and nudge you towards doing what you've long wanted to try.
2. Themed events
Try kinky parties, sex workshops or courses. You can ask your partner to keep you company, or go on your own.
3. Games for getting closer
Spend an evening together in deep conversation about you, your relationship and your fantasies. Purpur's games "Sex" or "Closer" can help you get into that kind of conversation. Try something new together, and understand each other and yourselves better.
4. Erotica
Listen to erotic podcasts, watch ethical porn, read sex literature. Listen to yourself: what does your body respond to, what do you want to repeat?
5. A fantasy diary
Start an erotic diary or a Telegram channel where you write down any sexual desires. It can be private or anonymous. Invent a fictional character and immerse them in the boldest scenarios of your imagination. Think everything through down to the details: from how the touches feel to the scent of the skin.
Which is better: alone or as a couple?
The main thing is that everyone feels comfortable.
On your own, you can freely fantasize, experiment and dive into your inner world without the risk of being misunderstood.
Discussing fantasies together, on the other hand, is almost a co-creation. You can swap ideas, get inspired by new desires and create a scenario you'll bring to life together.
How to tell your partner about your fantasies?
Step 1: Find the perfect moment
Choose a time when you're both relaxed, with no rush and no tiredness. It's important that the setting is calm. For example, after taking a bath together — or even better, right in the middle of it.
Step 2: Use "I-statements"
Talk about your fantasies gently, focusing on your own feelings and emotions. Make it clear that this is your personal fantasy, not a call to action.
Step 3: Get feedback
Watch your partner's reaction. Ask what emotions your words brought up.
