I don't want sex after rape, but I want to want it now
A psychologist answers a reader's question about desire after sexual violence.
I don't want sex after rape, but I want to want it now
Time, and creating the conditions for desire to arise.
A clinical psychologist answers a question about desire after violence.
We love your questions. And a reminder that you can always send us your question for an expert in our DMs. We'll answer it anonymously 💜
"After being raped, I don't want sex. I'm working through the trauma, but I want to want it now. How?"
A psychologist answers
Violence is a very difficult thing to "heal" from.
Even if it feels like so much has already been said in therapy and so much has been worked through, you need to give yourself more and more time to heal from the pain.
In the equation "I want to want," the desire is already there (even if it's a desire for desire itself).
Treat it gently, with care. Desire, like our feelings, can't be switched on and off like a light switch.
But you can create the conditions for them to arise. And watch what happens.
