Why does sex in toxic relationships seem better?

Emotional rollercoaster

Sex in toxic relationships is constantly intensified by the emotional rollercoaster. Of course, giving in to passion after a wild fight that nearly ended in a breakup feels far more intense than it does in an emotionally stable relationship.

It's not the sex itself but the constantly heated emotional situation around it that gives such a powerful and longed-for release.

Sex as the only form of intimacy

In toxic relationships, where there's no room for healthy dialogue and openness, sex is often the only way to feel close to your partner at all.

Of course, when sex is the only way to feel your partner's love, it brings such intense sensations.

Adrenaline vs oxytocin

In toxic relationships we live in constant uncertainty and emotional stress. This triggers the release of stress hormones, adrenaline hormones. They sharpen all sensations and stimulate them, including during sex.

In healthy relationships, we feel safe and trusting, and hormones of the oxytocin group are released. These are hormones of calm and relaxation. That's why sex becomes more tender and smooth, and your partner feels like a "cosy kitten".

"I'm the best you've ever had"

Abusers and narcissists often care a lot about being the best. And for them, sex is just another way to prove it.

Then it's no longer about your intimacy but about a kind of competition where what matters is keeping up the reputation of being the best in bed.

Toxic partners may bend over backwards to make sex unforgettable every time. But in real life sex varies. And in healthy relationships it can sometimes be predictable and cosy (and if you like it that way, more than sometimes).

Passion vs depth

In toxic relationships, sex is often dressed up with all kinds of experiments and props. Lots of scenarios and emotional passion.

Experimenting in sex is great, but in toxic relationships experiments often replace true sexual intimacy with your partner.

In healthy relationships, sex grows more in depth. External stimulation can be part of it too, of course, but the feelings and emotional closeness between you matter more.