My first lingerie photoshoot

For a very long time I lived inside my own rigid constraints, living the life of someone else, a stranger to me, someone who "has to" do things because it seems like the only right way.

Everything changed when I joined a breakfast club. Amazing, beautiful, creative people, free of prejudice. Every meeting is a little piece of magic that fills you up and breaks the painful lock of clichés. My very first breakfast turned out to be life-changing.

I started the morning with an incredibly deep and sensitive person, who turned out to be a friend of one of my favourite photographers. After the meeting, I signed up for a shoot.

The big day came. I remember fear, fright, curiosity, pleasure and happiness. There was none of "sit like this", "head that way", "relax". I just moved to a playlist and smiled sincerely, while every now and then the photographer said "very beautiful, freeze", and the shutter of her Leica clicked. Two hours later we were sitting in the studio office, looking at the results. It felt as if I were being photographed by someone I loved, who was passing their love on through the pictures.

I walked out and recorded a voice message for my new friend, with tears of joy in my eyes, huge garment bags in my hands and the factory building that houses the studio behind me. That was the beginning of a journey that still isn't over.

I think balance with yourself, self-love, is the hardest challenge. In this love you have no way to run away from yourself, your flaws, your character traits, your own body, your sexuality.

Women have always been told that expressing themselves and exploring their bodies and desire is something bad and vulgar. Silence and submission: that is the archetype of behaviour. And if you disobey, you are branded and cast out. According to one legend, that is what happened to Lilith, Adam's first wife: she didn't want to submit to him, because she considered herself just as equal a creation of God as Adam.

A lot has changed now. More and more girls and women aren't shy about being themselves and revealing the enchanting something hidden deep inside. One actress poses nude and dances in lingerie on camera, and that's beautiful and cool. It's energising.

When you hold yourself back, life becomes endless torture. The outside is just a continuation of the inside. If there is chaos inside and you are at war with yourself, the facade will never become solid and confident, however many times you repaint it.

Shoots like this are a brave step, and I bow endlessly to the girls who have dared. They (and I) do it first and foremost for themselves, because they want to learn to love themselves and their bodies.

There's nothing crude or vulgar about it, because there is nothing more beautiful than the female body, where life begins, and life can't be ugly, because it is a miracle.

To explore myself and my body: that was what I wanted when I came to my next shoot, with a photographer who captures the beauty of women's bodies.

I honestly don't know how to describe and convey the emotions, because she created something amazing: she took away all my insecurities, awakened my sensuality, and helped me find and unlock my inner sexuality. No psychologist had been able to help me before this photoshoot.

And yes, this shoot was partly nude, partly in lingerie. For the first time I felt so comfortable with myself and my body. I used to think I wasn't thin enough, that my back, breasts and shoulders weren't pretty enough, that there was a scar on my knee from a fall onto rocks, that the little finger on my right hand still isn't straight after a fracture...

But all this nonsense exists only in your own head. Nobody sees it but you. And with your words and inner gloom you only make it worse and push people away yourself.

Several months have passed since the shoot, but I can feel how much it changed me, from my confidence and freedom of thought in every area of life to a simple human happiness that comes from within.

I often smile on the street, on the metro, in cafes, and it's completely sincere. I took up stretching and squash, not because I have to for some reason, but because they bring me joy: I don't force myself to go to training, I run there early in the morning for the emotions and the atmosphere.

After the shoot, a huge number of girls wrote to me to thank me for the photos and to tell me how they had helped them take a step towards exploring themselves. Many went to the same photographer and had a shoot like this themselves.

Saying "Yes, this is me, and this is who I am" is the most important kind of sincerity and courage, and a signpost to personal happiness too.