Sex diary: a heroine and her hussars
For one week, a 26-year-old media manager and jewellery designer kept a diary of everything in her life that had to do with sex.
Sex diary: a heroine and her hussars
What if you could now find out what goes on in another person's sex life over a whole week? Purpur is taking its research into your sex lives to a new level. Meet our new column: Sex Diary.
For one week, Purpur heroes keep a diary where they share their sexy experiences, their routines and everything that is, broadly speaking, connected with sex.
The first Sex Diary: a heroine and her hussars. In one week, she managed to get over her Turkish boyfriend, text a date first, go to a workshop on relationships, and have the kind of sex that made her write a manifesto afterwards, one we're ready to sign.
A heroine and her hussars
26, media manager and jewellery designer
Monday
First thing in the morning I was struck by a brilliant idea: to text a certain hussar. Yes, in my book, a guy who rides home with you after a party in a carriage full of friends, and then you sweetly make out on the sofa for half the night, is exactly a hussar. The only problem was actually writing something to him. Texting first is a super-embarrassing situation for me. But I sent a cute little "hiii".
Sending a "hiii" is just sending a "hiii", with no expectations, and hoping that my fantasies about "cuddling for a very long time in my warm cosy bed" aren't too obvious at first glance.
Tuesday
Lots of regret that there's no sex, that there's no time for it. Even when I get invited, I tend to say no.
I had a Turkish boyfriend; all my friends know about him. We were together for three days, and on the fourth I went back home. Two months went by in terrible longing, wishing I could get back the tenderness, the cosiness and the calm of our hangouts in bed. Only last night, before falling asleep, I felt that same calm those meetings used to give me again, but this time without him. Regret and longing left the room, and peace came in. I no longer needed the go-between, my Turkish boyfriend.
Wednesday
"I don't need anyone" is the phrase that's been spinning in my head since the morning. Why can't it be a positive one? I don't need anyone to go to exhibitions, I don't need anyone to be in touch with my feelings, I don't need anyone to meet my needs. That's a good thing!
But how do you stay close to yourself without denying yourself contact with other people? I want sex, but it's potentially dangerous. Just like any deep connection. Just like any chance to trust.
My hussar didn't show up for our date at an art centre, so we're changing the channel.
Thursday
Okay, my Purpur kit arrived. I wanted to test the arousal gel. Doing it on my own isn't all that interesting to me. And out of the blue I texted a new acquaintance.
What's clear: he has a sex vibe towards me, and mine towards him is friendly (but it could turn into the first kind at any moment).
What's unclear: what will come of it and the possible consequences.
With the words "tomorrow's Friday anyway, so it's freaky Friday", I wrap up our discussion of time and place.
Friday
Didn't manage to write down a-ny-thing, because I was scrubbing the flat, doing laundry and working. Went to the pool. I don't know whether that was me fighting my anxiety or just a necessity. On the one hand, I really was a little scared. On the other, the floor hadn't been mopped in a month. In the evening, my new acquaintance came over.
Saturday
Today's sex was about play, physicality and, in a way, switching. I liked watching myself feel power over someone, and watching that power take over me. But it wasn't harsh power; it was playful, not entirely serious, a bit childlike. Lots of extras, from a harness to a sweet warming lube. And lots of ways of interacting. For a few minutes, while he was going down on me, I sort of drifted away.
Life hack: if you're a bit nervous before a one-night stand, do a body meditation.
In sex, I value the chance to observe. And also the moments when observing is impossible.
Sunday
When sex comes back into your life, you stop worrying about not having it. It's as if this is built into us:
1. if you're not having sex, that's bad, that's a problem
2. once you've finally had sex, well done you, you can relax and get on with other things
But it doesn't last. In a week or two the anxiety comes back, and once again you have to go looking for sex. After all, it relaxes you, gives you emotions, improves your health and blah-blah-blah. Yes, all of that is true. But there's also insomnia, back pain and the next day completely lost. And on top of all that, you won't get any help from a partner who's already god knows where and god knows with whom. For me, the main question in this whole story is how to find a balance between social and personal needs.
I believe sex should come with three days of leave afterwards, with the full treatment, from a massage to a psychotherapy session. Then again, you can arrange all of that for yourself
Takeaways from a week of sex
1. Sometimes it's hard to connect with someone through sex. That's okay, you don't need to push yourself
2. Sex is something that brings pleasure, but in my case it has to come together with open communication
3. For me, a slow immersion is better than a fast one
