Myths about breaking up, part two

About exes again. We decided to soften the blow with a super hot picture. A psychologist unpacks the most popular myths about breakups to understand how to break up with care. This is part two.

Myth 3. As long as there's sex, there's a chance the relationship isn't over.

Most often, not true. Many couples keep having sex every now and then for a while after they split up. And there are couples for whom a breakup becomes just a crisis stage, and sex is one of the ways to stay in contact. But that's more of an exception. Most often, "break-up sex" becomes a way of living through that very bargaining stage. It's hard to get your head around the idea that the end is the end. And some form of hope brings back desire, and sometimes even intensifies it. Only the problems in the morning remain exactly the same.

Myth 4. For the one who initiates the breakup, it's painless.

Not true. A breakup hurts both people, although the nature of the pain may differ. Often one partner turns out to be more ready for the breakup than the other, and they become the one who initiates it. And it seems that it's incomparably easier for them than for the one being left. But most often, that's not the case. The partner who decides to break up feels a great deal of guilt.

It can hide behind various defences, for example, devaluing the partner's feelings or paying exaggerated attention to one's own hurt. But the guilt is almost always there. It shows up especially sharply when the relationship involves children. And while the hurt side has every right to sympathy and support from mutual friends or family, the one who leaves supposedly shouldn't ask for it, even though emotionally they may be having a very hard time too. It's difficult for the partner who's been left to accept this, but a breakup is emotionally hard for both sides. Even if the emotions are different.

Myth 5. Ending a relationship with care means neither partner is in pain.

Not true. Ending a relationship is a process. Sometimes a painful one. And, unfortunately, not a quick one, especially if people were together for a long time. But, fortunately, it does come to an end. And that's worth reminding yourself of in difficult moments.