I feel like my friend and I are drifting apart

Everything changes, and that's normal

We all know what friendship is like. Some people have been friends since school, some met their friends at university, and some make friends as adults.

Relationships with friends, like any other relationships, need a lot of attention. But not everything depends on our efforts: people aren't static beings, they're always developing, which is why relationships between people naturally change too.

It's important to remember that everyone in a relationship has the right to change, and that this can be talked about.

Your new format

For some people, friendship feels like something very valuable and meaningful: through our friends we find our place in society and build our sense of identity.

During these periods we're very close to our friends and share a lot with each other. But time passes and we grow, our usual way of life changes, and our priorities change with it. This is when relationships with friends can move into a new state.

Sometimes a new way of keeping in touch can cause inner anxiety and confusion: "What's happening now? Why does it feel like we're drifting apart?"

It happens differently for everyone: new circumstances bring some people closer, some don't feel any difference, others drift apart, or the relationship ends altogether.

Our relationships with people reflect our own inner processes

Signs that you're drifting apart

1. You meet up and text less and less often

2. When you talk, you feel like you're running out of things to discuss

3. You feel stiff or closed off and want to share less about your life

4. You become less interested in each other's lives

"I want to understand why we're drifting apart"

First of all, turn to yourself:

• What do I feel toward my friend right now? For example: "I'm sad or irritated because we talk less"
• I think our relationship has changed because of…
• What's going on with me right now that might have affected our friendship?

It's important to start from your own feelings, because that's what we can examine and what we can truly take responsibility for. Our own feelings can tell us a lot. It's much harder to answer for a friend who also has something going on and has started to drift away.

Internal

After this kind of reflection, it's easier to sort out the circumstances that may have contributed to you and your friend drifting apart.

Possible internal reasons:

• An unresolved conflict that was never talked through
• Our own difficult feelings about new goals and interests in life
• Changed values that friendship with certain people no longer fits
• Age-related crises
• Going through grief or loss, which also strongly affects contact with friends

External

External circumstances also inevitably affect us as individuals and, as a result, our relationships with friends.

The most common of these objective situations are:

• Starting a romantic relationship, getting married
• Having children
• Changing jobs, building a career
• Moving and living in different cities
• A change in your shared social circle
• A change in the interest that brought you together
• Social conflicts and disagreements

Sometimes drifting apart from friends is temporary: it can pass on its own, or with our help and willingness to talk. And sometimes we drift apart from friends and there's nothing we can do about it.

Either way, how we react to change, what feelings come up inside us, and how this shows up in our actual relationships with friends are all part of our personal experience, a part of life that has every right to exist.