(Don't) want kids: how to communicate when your positions are sharply opposed

Most people dream of having children. That's normal, and even if there's some connection with a midlife crisis, believe me, you can't simply wait it out.

If your partner wants children and you absolutely don't, then, alas, the relationship is lost.

Many people have a child because their partner wants one. A girl once wrote to me: "I hate children. I don't want to have any of my own. I'm pregnant because my husband wants it." And another message, this time from a different young woman: "I was in deep depression until my child turned 7."

Do you see the connection? Will you be happy if you have a child? Will you be able to readjust, to switch over to loving them?

Also, many childfree people aren't willing to make concessions on this issue.

But the relationship flows on. And it turns out that the person who wants a child has to shove their own personal desire as far away as possible.

Do I even need to explain how unhappy a life you can live if you don't do what you really want to do? Look at us: people are struggling to get through the pandemic without being able to travel, and it's only a year old.

Imagine living with that for decades? I couldn't torment my partner like that. If he wants a child and I don't, that is definitely resolved by breaking up.

Of course, I'm being categorical. But a partnership is a partnership precisely so that you can sit down and sort things out, talk, figure something out for yourself.

No one can know you better than you yourself and your partner.

What if your partner talks about a child, but after hearing your decision thinks it all over and comes to the conclusion that it isn't all that important to him either? Or what if you, having heard about your partner's wish, are ready to have a child within a few years, as circumstances change?

Both of these happen too, and such relationships aren't necessarily unhappy. If you talk it through, reach an agreement, find support and an understanding of your desires, and take a little time to think, things can still turn out well.

One of the big problems of our society is the fear of being alone.

Especially for women. They're ready to do anything just to stay in a relationship. Even if the relationship is abusive, even if they don't want to give birth, even if their partner is cheating.

Please, listen to your own desires first.

Relationships are a wonderful and great thing; love is important and everyone needs it. But sometimes it's worth making a decision that will protect you both from future disappointments in your lives. So that you don't end up sitting together 40 years later blaming each other: "It's because of you that I have no grandchildren," "It's because of you that I had to sacrifice my life to raising a son."

For me, the biggest fear is causing my partner pain.

I don't want a person to live their whole life without fulfilling some big desire of theirs. And I trust him: I know he'll think over his decision, his desire, and tell me honestly how important it is to him. Always talk to each other, it's very important.