We (will) have a dog

1. Agree before you set sail

This advice is pretty obvious and applies to lots of situations. But it would be silly not to mention it.

You can't agree on absolutely everything in advance, so don't even try. But you can try to discuss the most fundamental things.

Things you can discuss:

• who* will walk the dog, take care of its training, and take it to the vet and the groomer
• the dog's needs: how we'll pay for them and how much money it will take
• what methods we plan to use to build communication with the dog
• whether it's acceptable to raise your voice, flick its nose, scare it, smack its bottom, or jerk the leash
• which beds and sofas the dog will be allowed on and which it won't
• who gets the dog if we break up

*It's great if you're both ready to get involved in all the doggy duties, but splitting them is okay too. More on that next.

2. Divide responsibilities

You can divide (and redistribute) responsibilities at any time. This helps relieve tension when the dog has some tricky behavioral quirks.

Usually one family member finds it easier than the other to walk a pup that pulls on the leash or barks. It simply bothers them less, or not at all. And the other doesn't mind washing the dog's paws after every walk and filling the food bowl.

It's also great to decide who handles training / behavior correction, orders food on time and trims the claws: parent 1 or parent 2. Or to say out loud that you're both ready to do it.

3. A dog can belong to just one person

Yes, yes, even if a dog lives in a family of five, it may have only one two-legged human of its very own. The others may just be roommates to it.

And there's nothing wrong with that. It's normal to get a dog just for yourself and take care of it on your own.

In that case, when there's a conflict with the dog, family members will come to you to sort it out instead of trying to set the dog straight with whatever methods they have at hand (which often don't suit us).

4. Choose shared comfort over being right

Our relationship with a dog isn't a field for seeking the truth. It's just a social contract for everyone's comfort.

That is, we, the members of the family, agree on what our rules will be for living together and interacting with the dog.

These rules can change*, and we can renegotiate them.

*Purpur: this applies to all relationships

When we talk about the dog as a family, there's no need to dive into animal psychology theory or throw terms and arguments around. Our goal is for everyone to feel comfortable and calm, not for one person to turn out right and the other wrong. Even if we know for sure that whoever throws a slipper at our dog is the one in the wrong.

6. Don't fuel the emotions

It's almost impossible to teach an overexcited, emotional dog anything; you can hardly get anything out of it at all.

This rule also applies to human communication about the dog (and about anything else, really).

If we feel like we can't breathe, our voices are rising, our throats are going dry and our palms are sweating, it's better to slow down. You won't reach an agreement in that state.

It's better to take a break and pick the conversation back up once you're prepared and have chosen the right moment.