Talking about sex with your girlfriends: weird or cool?

I only talk about sex with close friends, and it's more about impressions: "the best sex was with this guy, he's so passionate." Or, for example, a friend might drop nudes in our group chat and write that she's having sex tonight, and that's okay for us too.

But we usually don't get into the details. I don't want to know "too much" myself: it feels like that's territory for a conversation with your partner, and I want to keep it that way, to protect the intimacy of my own couple and not pry into someone else's with unnecessary questions.

At the same time, I don't really understand how to even bring up a topic like this, or whether we need to. After conversations like these I sometimes feel too vulnerable and want to put more distance between us. I notice that our communication then gets a little colder, either because of that or because I take a step back myself.

I've never had a friend I could talk to openly about sex, and I'm sorry it turned out that way.

Part of it is my own shyness about the topic, and part of it is that sex was taboo in my family, which has made talking about it hard since childhood.

Now I'm older and more confident, and I catch myself thinking more and more often that I miss having that kind of conversation with a friend. What matters most to me in it is safety and trust.

It feels weird to me to discuss sex with anyone other than my partner when it's about something personal. But talking about sex as a phenomenon is, on the contrary, interesting.

I have my own inner veto on these conversations, even though I've watched lots of films where people discuss sex at all kinds of ages, including as teenagers. But in my own life the topic almost never came up in conversations with friends. At most, someone might say they'd slept with somebody, but without details, problems or difficulties.

On top of that, there's the question of anonymity: I'm monogamous, and all my friends know my partner, so any story about difficulties in sex immediately becomes a story about a specific person.

So I prefer not to talk about it with others.

I like talking about sex with my friends, but not as a form of exhibitionism; rather, to get an opinion or a recommendation: which lube to use, how best to prepare, and so on.

I used to discuss it more often, when I had less experience of my own and more questions. Now a lot has already been "worked out" and resolved, thanks to those same friends, reels or gynecologists, so these days I mostly share the occasional new discovery or just my feelings.

As an adult, this topic was never taboo for me, and I think that's exactly what helped me cope with difficulties more easily. When you hear "oh, I had exactly the same thing" or "that's easy to fix", you don't panic.

Sex has never been the most interesting topic of conversation for me, and nothing has changed over time. There's no emotional baggage or shame here, it's just not my focus.

I didn't used to discuss sex with my friends: I was embarrassed. But that gradually changed, and now these conversations are an important part of our friendship.

For me, it's not about advice or using someone else's experience as instructions, but about closeness, trust and shared values: openness, and confidence instead of inhibition.

I know I can confide in my friend, and I'm genuinely curious how things are for her. That closeness is exactly what I value most in these conversations.

It's hard to discuss something you don't have :) Actually, when I thought back on whether we'd discussed sex with my friends, I realized we hadn't, really. And when we did, listening to someone's experience felt cringe to me, because we were all in the same crowd and I knew which guy they were talking about.

With my current friends we don't really discuss the topic, except in terms of not having that experience right now. There are far more interesting topics. That said, I'm not sure I'd tell any of my friends about my sex life if I were in a relationship. For me, this topic concerns only me and my partner.

I used to work with sex-positive communities, where sex is discussed openly. But in everyday life I only talk about sex with two close friends with whom I share a long friendship and trust.

When I wasn't in a relationship, it was easier to talk about dates and sex. Those were funny stories I wanted to share: something hilarious, awkward or, on the contrary, vivid.

When I got into a stable relationship, I no longer wanted to share those kinds of details: it became intimate territory that I want to keep just for myself and my partner.

My conversations with friends have changed and become more impersonal. We discuss sex as a phenomenon rather than specific details: how our attitude to it changes, how the body changes with age, how we experience our sexuality. For me it's a matter of respect for the relationship, so I don't share details about my partner.