Feeling like the Grinch

When everything gets on your nerves and you don't want the New Year

How you feel over the holidays is a bit like a buffet: there are lots of dishes, but is there anything that actually suits you?

Let's look at the reasons behind a Grinch-style pre-holiday mood, what to do about it, and whether you need to do anything at all.

No mood for a holiday: let's be honest, it's been a hard year

The New Year decorations in shops are irritating and just remind you once again of the hole in your heart and your wallet. When you get a free minute, you just want to breathe out, not decorate a tree.

Historically, holidays literally helped people cope with life: to find meaning, to preserve and rethink the memory of the past, to feel a sense of togetherness.

What's happening in our lives right now takes up most of our attention, and we often have to think about "first-order" things, our basic needs, with no energy left for the "second order". That's understandable, and it really is hard. But it's worth reminding yourself that life is harder without "mental fuel".

"I still want a holiday. What should I do?"

A small, manageable ritual works as one more thing to lean on in life. Meaning and values give you strength in hard times.

On your own or with people close to you, remember what warms your heart most in your memories of the New Year holidays.

The smell of tangerines and fresh fir.

A New Year card in the mailbox.

Candles on the table and sparklers.

People who matter, by your side.

"Happy New Year!" said to everyone you meet.

Try to recreate that small detail that brings the magic closer, the one that matters in a special way only to you.

A ride not for the faint-hearted: the "perfect New Year"

Here's where you are: the New Year is a few days away, and you're in charge of some super-serious preparations. Maybe you didn't even choose this consciously, but rather out of tradition or other people's expectations: time, emotions and money pour in a powerful stream into the perfect picture. While chasing that image, it's easy to get irritated by even the smallest thing that doesn't look the way you planned.

Into the same basket of Grinch-mood reasons go the hundredth generic greeting sent out of politeness, plus a head that's about to burst and a calendar full of "where and with whom" arrangements.

"That's exactly it, and it feels even worse. What should I do?"

Breathe out. Seriously: stop for a few minutes and breathe as calmly as you can.

Try to answer this question honestly: what is a holiday for me? A colour? A smell? A place? The people around me?

Now take a pen and paper and write out every single detailed plan for organising this holiday. Highlight the items on the list that really relate to your answer to that question: with presents under a real tree but without that particular feathered pyjama set, will you still feel the holiday?

A holiday is not an obligation

It's okay not to feel joy and anticipation.

It's okay to feel irritated.

It's okay to feel neutral about any holiday.

Yes, it's okay not to celebrate.

We can't use an "on/off" button for how we feel emotionally about popular events. Most holidays follow conventional scripts that may not suit you.

You may catch yourself making excuses, or feeling that familiar awkwardness when you turn down meeting up with anyone other than your pillow on New Year's Eve.

"As they say, I feel seen. What should I do?"

Long live normalisation! Maybe in the comments on this post or among your friends you'll find people you can talk to about how you feel about the New Year. Laugh together, find a meme, get confirmation that you're not alone. Lightning won't strike from the sky and the earth won't open up if you don't sacrifice the tree and the Olivier salad.

In a way, not celebrating because you don't feel like it is a celebration of freedom. Living in harmony with your own feelings and beliefs is a privilege, not a reason for reproach or shame.

It's okay not to be happy about a holiday by default when everyone around you is.

But if there's something that lets you feel better, a small ingredient of your joyful mood, you've already done brilliantly.

You can mould rituals like plasticine, for yourself and to suit yourself, whenever and however you like. And not only on special dates.