Fears and myths about sex during pregnancy

Fear: a penis can hurt the baby during sex

This is a fear many dads-to-be (and moms-to-be) have. But a penis can't reach the uterus. At most it can press against the cervix, and the cervix is closed so tightly that even a sperm cell would struggle to squeeze through, let alone a whole penis. And even if it did get through, it couldn't break through the amniotic membranes.

In short, in a normal pregnancy (without complications), sex can't cause premature labor or injure the baby. The main thing is not to put pressure on the belly once it's showing.

You don't need protection

Myth: you don't need protection during pregnancy

It's true that you can't get pregnant a second time. But remember that the main point of a condom is protection against sexually transmitted infections.

Ideally, you and your partner should get tested while planning the pregnancy. Less ideally, infection tests are done once the pregnancy is confirmed. If an STI is found, it's best to avoid sex altogether until you've fully recovered.

If you're both healthy and in an exclusive relationship with no other partners, you can skip protection. If either of you is planning to have sex with other partners, keep using protection.

I'm unattractive and nobody wants a hippo like me

Fear: a big belly makes me unsexy, aka a hippo (although hippos are actually great)

Rest assured: your partner still wants you, but is being careful because they're afraid of causing harm.

The best thing to do here is to talk about your fears. You can take turns answering these questions for each other:

What makes you uneasy about our sex right now? What are you worried about?

Do you feel that your attitude toward me has changed somehow because of how I look now?

Is there something different you'd like to try in sex right now?

Pro tip: Purpur recommends mutual masturbation. It seems to be where comfort and shared pleasure meet.

You can't use sex toys

Myth: you can't use sex toys

You can. In some situations you even should: they won't press on your belly, and they'll help you reach orgasm. And whatever is good for the mom-to-be is good for the baby too.

But if you go deep with a vibrator or hold it against your belly, it may wake the baby, and the little one will start kicking. Toys without vibration have no restrictions at all, so feel free to use them. Don't forget about lubricants, and wash your toys afterwards.

After giving birth my vagina will become like a black hole and I won't feel anything

Fear: my vagina will become too big and I won't feel anything

Sensitivity really does decrease after giving birth: it's a protective response of a body that has gone through a lot of pain. On top of that, the pelvic floor muscles stretch and weaken during pregnancy, whether you had a vaginal birth or a C-section. Because of this, the vagina feels "too big."

Give yourself time to recover.

Kegel exercises will help restore firmness to the pelvic floor muscles. You can start the exercises only after the bloody discharge has stopped. And for the first 40 days after giving birth, the exercises should be done without vaginal trainers.

Pro tip: see a urogynecologist who specializes in physical therapy. They'll assess the condition of your muscles and put together a set of exercises for you. This is a super doctor who'll help get your vagina back in action.